Another Try?!!

Hello all!
This last year has been an incredibly stressful one! I've had some work challenges, a miscarriage, and we had to bury my niece. Sometimes you just wonder how God is able to allow so much pain in one's life. His plan is so hard to accept sometimes!
Nathan and I are still hoping to be able to raise children. We know that this may not be God's plan for us and we will accept that if and when we feel that He has given us that clear answer.
In April we decided to try taking fertility medication to see if I would ovulate properly. I have been having cycles that have ranged from 21-36 days and it has been very frustrating.
On May 17th I was on day 37 of my first month on Clomid. At 3:30am I just couldn't sleep so I took a test. It looked positive, but I knew that I had to take another to be sure. I lay awake for the rest of the night thinking about how our lives might change next year. Just before Nathan left for work that morning I took another test and it was also positive! I told him he was going to be a daddy again! His response was one of joy and excitement!!!
On June 9th (8 weeks) I had an ultrasound at Boundary Trails hospital to make sure that this baby has a heartbeat. I had so much anxiety about this ultrasound because we have never come out of an ultrasound room with smiles on our faces.
I asked if Nathan could be in the room with me at the start of the exam, but it is against their policy so he had to stay in the waiting area. The tech who did my ultrasound was the same one who did the one with my miscarriage and with Mason and she remembered me. In Winkler it always seems like an ultrasound exam is a big secret and the patient isn't supposed to know anything right away, but I think that she could tell that I needed her to tell me about this baby right away. As soon as she saw this little miracle she told me that there was a strong heartbeat. I was so relieved! She turned the monitor to me and showed me where the head was and the little, tiny heart that was pumping strong. Then she did a few measurements and confirmed that I am eight weeks along. She also told me that I have a tilted uterus. She didn't know if this could be the reason that we have a hard time conceiving, but some believe that this could be why. After this she called Nathan into the room and showed him this beautiful baby! We even got to see the spine and the little limbs that are developing! What an incredible miracle!!!

Reese LeeAnn

On Friday, November 19th I got a new niece. Her name is Reese LeeAnn and her parents are so proud of her! Her mommy lost her amniotic fluid early on in her prgnancy and so Reese was born at 28 1/2 weeks. This little girl was such a fighter! She had an extremely strong heart, but her lungs were just not developed enough to allow her to breathe on her own. Reese lived for about 5 1/2 hours as the doctors fought to save her. Her mommy and daddy got to hold her for the last 45 minutes of her life.
I am very proud to call Reese my niece and I love her so much! Please pray for her mommy and daddy as they will be grieving and experiencing the loss of all the firsts that Reese would be doing. The Lord is holding another angel!
Thanks,
Crystal

Answered Prayers

Hello,
I just want to let you all know that the D and C went extremely well today. I have hardly any bleeding and no cramping so far. I think the nurses were thinking that we weren't grieving because we seemed quite upbeat and composed. I guess we are just cried out for now and are trying to see the positive in all of this. I ask now that you continue to pray for Nathan and I, but please also pray for our parents and siblings as they are also really struggling with why this is all happening. All of your prayers were answered this morning and I thank you. I am not doubting God or his plans at all and know that none of this is our fault. We will try again and hope to see the "sun" again.
blessings,
-Crystal

What are His plans?

Today would have been Mason's first birthday. It is a tough day for us, but we are at peace with knowing that he is in a much better place. The song that keeps coming to mind is "Better is One Day" by Chris Tomlin. This afternoon we were supposed to hear our second child's heartbeat. I began lightly bleeding this morning and decided to head to the clinic early. When I got there my doctor could see me right away. She tried to find a heatbeat but failed at doing so. She immediately scheduled an ultrasound for this afternoon. At my ultrasound the tech found that there was just a blob of tissue (I don't know all the medical terms for this), and no heartbeat. It turns out that I have had a misscarriage and am scheduled for a D and C early tomorrow morning. Please pray that God will guide the doctor's hands as he is working in a very sensitive part of me. I also ask for your prayers in dealing with this emotionally. Nathan and I are having a really bad day and it just seems to get worse as the hours go on. We have gone to Mason's grave and have asked him to take good care of his little sister or brother since we are unable to do so once again. We are feeling so much pain and continue to wonder what God's plans are for us.

-Crystal

Another Struggle

Hello again,

I know it's been awhile since I have posted an entry, but life hasn't produced anything exciting. I hope that you are all doing well and I thank you once again for all of your continued prayers.
I do have a bit of news now that I would really appreciate your prayers for. Nathan and I have been trying to conceive another child since we lost Mason. It has been about eleven months since we lost him.
I had a blood test done at the beginning of July and the results showed that I wasn't ovulating, so I met with a fertility doctor in Winkler on July 29th. He perscribed me fertility pills but told me to wait until the beginning of my next cycle to take them. I began waiting impatiently for that to begin and by Monday, August 16 (day 41) I decided to take a pregnancy test just to prove to myself and Nathan that we were dreaming about something that wasn't there. To my complete surprise the dollarstore test showed two lines; positive. I thought the test must be wrong since it is a dollarstore test, so I took another more expensive test. I saw a plus sign on this test! I began crying and praising God!!! Then I thought maybe both of these tests were wrong so I went to the clinic to take another test. As I walked out of the bathroom the technician came up to me and said the result showed up immediately as positive! I almost couldn't believe it and kept whispering "THANK-YOU GOD" over and over again! He always seems to have perfect timing. I was ready to take the fertility pills with some apprehension about having twins and having other birth defects and here I am already nurturing a human being inside of me!!!
We are so incredibly excited that we can't find the words to describe it! We have decided to not worry about the what ifs because it is all in God's hands. As far as I know this baby is due on April 12th; 2 days before my birthday. This will be the best birthday present ever!!! I do have an ultrasound in Winnipeg at twelve weeks (September 30th) and then I will have another in eighteen to twenty weeks. These ultrasounds will show how the baby is developing. Please, please pray that we have a healthy child this time!
This is how we told our parents about our super exciting news:

Christmas and the New Year

Hello all!

Nathan and I had a fabulous Christmas! We had four solid days of family gatherings and were blessed with many gifts. I did however have moments where I felt that Mason would have added so much to this wonderful season. He must have had the greatest birthday party ever up in Heaven!

December 29th was our 3rd anniversary and it was also 3 months since Mason's birth. It was our first anniversary in Canada because we have always been on vacation that week. We didn't do much. We ordered pizza from DJs (My favourite!) and watched tv.

We spent New Year's Eve with great friends and played Super Mario all evening. We almost forget to count down to the new year!

On January 3rd we left for Jamaica. When we got there it was cloudy and rainy and this continued for the whole week with only a day and a half of sunshine. We were pretty disappointed about this, but made the best of it. Our resort was beautiful and the food was delicious! We hope to get more sun in the year to follow as well as other good things.

Many blessings to you all!
-Crystal

Life Since Mason Left Us

It has been just over a month since Mason has joined Jesus. Wow! What a great time he must be having!
I have healed very well physically and now need to figure out how to lose a few pounds without exercising. Lol! As for the emotional healing, Nathan and I are both still working on that. I kiss Mason's picture every night before bed and every morning when I wake up. Nathan has even gotten into the habit of reminding me to do so before I get into bed if I don't remember on my own because he knows that I will turn on the light again when I do remember. Every night we also include Mason in our prayers so I think that God has also gotten into the routine of giving Mason a hug and telling him that we love him at our request. Many nights we fall asleep discussing how we think Mason spent his day.
We have purchased a headstone for Mason's grave and it is beautiful! It has a picture of a baby with wings and a picture of a teddy bear on it. I have also had a photo album printed with all of his pictures in it and some memories written in it. This is very precious to us and I am so proud to show him off!
Many people have thanked us for sharing Mason with them. I would like to thank all of you for allowing us to share him. He has become such a huge part of our lives even though his life was so short. Hardly anyone got to meet him, but I am so thankful that so many care.
We met with our genetics specialist from Health Sciences again to discuss anything that I can do to prepare for our next pregnancy and what precedures will happen during our next pregnancy. He told us that there really is nothing more that we can do to prepare other than what we did with Mason. To make me feel like I am doing something more, he suggested that I can take more Folic Acid. Once we are pregnant again we will have our first ultrasound when I am 12 weeks along and then again at 18 weeks and after that as necessary. All of these utlrasounds will be done at the Health Science Center because their machines are more advanced then those at Boundary Trails. We are very thankful for this. Something that the specialist mentioned is that he is still not sure if this was a genetic problem or just a fluke with Mason. The amnio showed that all the chromosomes are in order but there may be something recessive that he cannot find. This was a bit of a blow to us because we were told that it was not genetic. We are really praying that everything with Mason was just a fluke and have chosen to believe that this is the case.
I am taking my 17 weeks of maternity leave. This means that I will only be returning to work on January 26th. Nathan went back to work after 2 weeks. We have decided to go to Jamaica for a week at the beginning of January with another couple. We're going to get away from everything and enjoy some heat and sunshine!
Please continue to pray for healing for us and for healthy babies in the future.