Christmas and the New Year

Hello all!

Nathan and I had a fabulous Christmas! We had four solid days of family gatherings and were blessed with many gifts. I did however have moments where I felt that Mason would have added so much to this wonderful season. He must have had the greatest birthday party ever up in Heaven!

December 29th was our 3rd anniversary and it was also 3 months since Mason's birth. It was our first anniversary in Canada because we have always been on vacation that week. We didn't do much. We ordered pizza from DJs (My favourite!) and watched tv.

We spent New Year's Eve with great friends and played Super Mario all evening. We almost forget to count down to the new year!

On January 3rd we left for Jamaica. When we got there it was cloudy and rainy and this continued for the whole week with only a day and a half of sunshine. We were pretty disappointed about this, but made the best of it. Our resort was beautiful and the food was delicious! We hope to get more sun in the year to follow as well as other good things.

Many blessings to you all!
-Crystal

Life Since Mason Left Us

It has been just over a month since Mason has joined Jesus. Wow! What a great time he must be having!
I have healed very well physically and now need to figure out how to lose a few pounds without exercising. Lol! As for the emotional healing, Nathan and I are both still working on that. I kiss Mason's picture every night before bed and every morning when I wake up. Nathan has even gotten into the habit of reminding me to do so before I get into bed if I don't remember on my own because he knows that I will turn on the light again when I do remember. Every night we also include Mason in our prayers so I think that God has also gotten into the routine of giving Mason a hug and telling him that we love him at our request. Many nights we fall asleep discussing how we think Mason spent his day.
We have purchased a headstone for Mason's grave and it is beautiful! It has a picture of a baby with wings and a picture of a teddy bear on it. I have also had a photo album printed with all of his pictures in it and some memories written in it. This is very precious to us and I am so proud to show him off!
Many people have thanked us for sharing Mason with them. I would like to thank all of you for allowing us to share him. He has become such a huge part of our lives even though his life was so short. Hardly anyone got to meet him, but I am so thankful that so many care.
We met with our genetics specialist from Health Sciences again to discuss anything that I can do to prepare for our next pregnancy and what precedures will happen during our next pregnancy. He told us that there really is nothing more that we can do to prepare other than what we did with Mason. To make me feel like I am doing something more, he suggested that I can take more Folic Acid. Once we are pregnant again we will have our first ultrasound when I am 12 weeks along and then again at 18 weeks and after that as necessary. All of these utlrasounds will be done at the Health Science Center because their machines are more advanced then those at Boundary Trails. We are very thankful for this. Something that the specialist mentioned is that he is still not sure if this was a genetic problem or just a fluke with Mason. The amnio showed that all the chromosomes are in order but there may be something recessive that he cannot find. This was a bit of a blow to us because we were told that it was not genetic. We are really praying that everything with Mason was just a fluke and have chosen to believe that this is the case.
I am taking my 17 weeks of maternity leave. This means that I will only be returning to work on January 26th. Nathan went back to work after 2 weeks. We have decided to go to Jamaica for a week at the beginning of January with another couple. We're going to get away from everything and enjoy some heat and sunshine!
Please continue to pray for healing for us and for healthy babies in the future.

Mason Asher Rachul

Mason Asher Rachul was born on September 29th!

On September 28th at 12:ooam I woke up and had to go to the bathroom. Now this is something that I have been doing for a few months now so you would think that is was no big deal, except that when I got out of bed I had no control over what my body was doing. I raced to the bathroom and called to Nathan to tell him that something was different. He asked if my water broke and I told him that it couldn't have because I was 5 and a 1/2 weeks early. We sat in the bathroom for awhile as I came to accept that my water did in fact break. I was not having any contractions though and so we went back to bed. As I lay there I began to think that we should probably go to the hospital to find out what was happening and what to do about it.

When we got to the hospital a nurse led me to the maternity ward and had my lay down on a stretcher so that the fluids could pool together to be tested. When she tested me there was no question about whether or not my water broke. This led to many decisions. Nathan and I had to decide where to deliver and when I should come into the hopital to start the contractions. As we had been talking previously about the decisions we had to make, Nathan and I already decided that if Mason came early he would have an even lesser chance of surviving and so we would deliver at Boundary Trails Hospital so that we could hold our son. Mason obviously knew that we were struggling with this decision and so he helped us along by coming early.

Now if you have noticed a pattern already good for you! Nathan and I must be a bit slow because Mason's early arrival surprised us, but we should have known that he has always been full of surprises and is probably stubborn like his parents so he was going to come when he was ready, not when we or the doctors were ready. What a little character!

We went back home after it was confirmed that I would be having Mason in the next while and we slept restlessly for a few hours. I kept in contact with Dr. Dixon (my family doctor) throughout the morning and Nathan and I packed our stuff and called our parents to let them know what was going on. I also had to call my sister to make sure that she would also be with us and to hold her little nephew when the time came. This meant a lot to me!

At noon on Monday Nathan and I walked into Boundary Trails with our suitcase, camera, and two pillows. We took the elevator ride up to the second floor and announced at the desk that we were there to have a baby. The nurses gave us a half smile as well as a look of sympathy as they already knew our situation. We were led to a room and I was told to put on the gown that was folded on the bed. I opened the gown and began to laugh because it looked like a sheet with a bunch of snaps. Nathan looked at me questioningly until he saw what I was holding. Then we both laughed as he tried to figure out how to put this thing on me. Apparently two male ends on snaps do not go together! We finally got that very flattering piece of clothing on and I waited patiently for a nurse to arrive with further instructions.

When the nurse arrived she explained that she would be giving me an IV to begin an induction. I warned her that I am an extreme whimp when it comes to needles and I squeezed my eyes shut as she began inserting the needle. Apparently my veins are too good and the first one burst because there was too much pressure. I was in so much pain! She found another vein and carefully inserted the IV successfully, apologizing profusely the whole time. I made it until she had the IV in and then I threw up a couple of times just to feel better. That poor nurse was so concerned and felt so bad! This was honestly the worst part of my whole experience in giving birth!

My contractions only began at 5:00 pm so Nathan and I had a lot of time to kill. He went home to get some cards and a couple of movies. We began thinking of who we could call to come visit us and then I began feeling the wonderful pain of contractions. A nurse brought me supper. Guess what it was? The one thing that I just can not eat, fish! We thought this was kind of funny so Nathan ate my food and then went down to the cafeteria to buy me a salad. That was a really good salad! As the evening went on my contractions kept getting harder and closer together. I knew that I wanted an epidural because I fully admit that I have a very low pain tolerance and and am willing to use drugs to prevent any unnecessary pain. Nathan was getting hungry and so he began texting his brother to bring him a Big Mac meal. There were many texts that went back an forth among them as to whether or not they should come, but in the end Nathan got his way and the food arrived. Of course, as soon as it did Dr. Klassen came in to give me my epidural. This was at about 10:30 pm. We finally got some company and then things started happening! Now, I recommend an epidural to all of you who ever decide to have a baby. It is amazing! I felt no contractions and was even able to sleep for awhile.

At about 4:00 in the morning my nurse asked if she could check how dilated I was. When she did this she found that I was already at 7 cm. About 2 minutes later I told her that Iwas feeling a lot of pressure and so she checked again and I was fully dilated. At this time I had two nurses in my room getting ready and telling me to push when I felt like it. I started to push and I kept on pushing for about an hour.

At 5:19 am Mason Asher was born. He didn`t make a sound and he didn`t move so I thought that he wasn`t alive. I asked Dr. Basson if he was, he said yes and he put Mason in my arms. I started crying uncontrollably as I looked at my tiny son and saw how perfect God made him. Nathan stood beside me and wept as well. I held him so tight and told him how amazing he was and how beautiful he was. The doctor and nurses were unable to tell us right away if Mason was a girl of a boy because of the omphalocele so after Nathan and I held Mason for a few minutes we let the nurse take him and clean him up as well as do all the measurements and other things. There she told us that he was a boy and I immediately told her that his name was Mason Asher. She told us that Mason weighed 2 pounds and 12 ounces and that he was 14 inches long. What a tiny little man! She wrapped him in a blanket that was way too big for him and handed him back to me. Nathan and I just looked at him and talked about how much hair he had and how his nose and chin looked like Nathan and how his hands were definitely like mine. He had such long fingers! We saw Mason`s mouth open and close a few times and we saw his chin move. This is how I knew that he was still alive.

At 5:44 am Mason took his last breath and went to see Jesus. We then called the rest of our family into the room and they all got to hold there grandson or nephew. It was a very special time for everyone. We took many pictures and shared the physical similarities that Mason had to his family. Kristel Bueckert also really blessed us by coming in to take pictures of Mason. That has meant so much to us.

Eventually all family left and Nathan and I got to spend time alone again with our son. We told him stories about his time with us and we told about the dreams that we`d had for him. We also told him that we loved him and that he was so beautiful as often as we could.

The nurse took Mason for a little while to make his handprints and to wash his hair. She even found the tiniest shirt that she could to fit him. He was so handsome!

At 10:15 am Jake from Wiebe`s Funeral Home came to our room to take Mason away. I handed our son to him and cried so hard as he gently placed him in a box and carried him away. All I wanted to do then is hold my baby. A nurse came in shortly after and I asked to go home. It was so hard to be in that room with so much of Mason still there. She let us go home at 11:00 and I think I almost ran to the car.

We got home and took a long hot shower and then slept. I woke up crying as I seem to be doing everyday now. Nathan has been comforting me so much! We got up and called the family to come over for the evning so that we wouldn`t be alone. It was nice to talk about Mason and to use his name in conversation.

We had the funeral on Friday evening. So up until then I was super busy making arrangements for it and preparing the best service that I could possibly give Mason. It was a beautiful service that our families courageously helped us with. Thank-you so much again for everything! Pastor Paul and Pastor Randy did a wonderful job in sharing about God`s love for Mason and for us. This was a very hard service for me to sit through but it blessed me in so many ways. After the service Nathan and I went to Mason`s grave site and buried him. I have never felt so helpless and sad in my life. That was the hardest moment that I have ever had to face. After the burial we joined our families and friends for fellowship. That helped to give us strength to get through that evening.

This has been the best and the worst week of my life. I will never forget my precious son and will love him forever! One of Mine and Nathan`s greatest fears is that we will forget parts of the time that we had with Mason. I have written a letter to Mason that I would like to share with you as well:

Dear Mason,

My precious son! You have been a part of me now for eight months and I have cherished every moment. Your Daddy and I are very much in love and you were created out of this love. Please always know that! When we found out that you were going to be ours we were so ecstatic that we could hardly keep from telling the world about you right away. On the same day that we found out about you, your Uncle Devin and Auntie Amy told us that they were getting married and we were so happy to be happy for them and secretly be happy about you too.
That first doctor’s appointment where your Daddy and I heard your strong heartbeat put the biggest smiles on our faces. That is when it became real that there really was a baby living inside of me. On April 24th I decided to have all of your aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents over for supper to announce that you would be joining our family. There was so much excitement that evening and we felt so blessed to share you with the world. Your great grandparents found out about you the next day and were also excited to see you soon!
On June 26th I had my first ultrasound in Winkler. Your Daddy came with me because he also wanted to see you and watch you move. This was one of the hardest days of our lives because we found out that you had some problems. Following this ultrasound came many more in Winnipeg. We have cried so often over knowing that you were sick. We had been expecting you to live with us for a long time.
We had many dreams for you. I thought that you would be waking me up at night because you were hungry and I thought that it would be so hard to lose sleep over this. Now I wish more than anything that I could lose some sleep for this reason.
Jesus brought you to us on September 29th in the morning. You were a few weeks early, but you have always been full of surprises and so we should have known that you would surprise us again. We also knew that you were stubborn just like your mommy and daddy and so we should have known that only you would decide when to enter this world. You were so good to me. You never made me sick and you never gave me any aches. You were very gentle with your movements and when you decided to join us you made Mommy’s labour and delivery very easy.
You were with daddy and I for 25 minutes and those have been the best 25 minutes that we have ever had! We got to hold you and watch your slight movements. We got to tell you how much we love you and how much you look like us. You have the most beautiful hair that I have ever seen and I’m sure that you Auntie Tiffany would have loved to cut it many times!
Thank-you so much for sharing your short life with us! We will always love and remember you. We will see you again soon in Heaven! Please play with your tractors and combines up there so that you can show Daddy and your grandpas your fields when they get there!

I love you!

-Mommy

Precious Time

So yesterday I realized that I don't have much time left with this new life inside of me. It really made me sad to know that I won't feel these kicks for much longer and I won't be able to use the excuse "Baby wants it" for all of the things that I want to eat much longer either. I also realized that I am going to miss the help that Nathan gives me because he doesn't want me to get hurt even though I am still very capable of doing these things on my own.
Because of this I decided to spend some quality time with baby in the evening. I read to it for awhile and then I took a bath and watched its movements make ripples in the water. It was a very precious evening that I will always treasure. I then spent a good part of the evening just praying for our little one and discussing the circumstances of this child with its creator. I still don't know any answers to the decisions that Nathan and I need to make and I still haven't heard the results to the MRI, but I can feel God's presence and know that in time all of the answers will seem obvious.
Thanks again for all of your prayers! This pregnancy is coming to an end soon and the next phase of our lives will then begin; whether it be grieving and healing or basking in a miracle that can not be proven by science. We don't know the outcome, but we will be okay.

Another Winnipeg Appointment

Well, I'm not sure where to begin with this entry. We had another appointment with Dr. Reid on Friday and once again there was bad news. The baby has been moving around a lot and so I really had high hopes that perhaps there would be positive news at this meeting. Now it is not just the abdomen that is too small but the chest area is also too small which is causing the lungs to be really small and not developing properly. This means that the baby will have an extremely difficult time catching a breath when it is born if it will even be able to at all. The scoliosis is also pretty bad which means that the lower spine is very curved. Dr. Reid showed us a picture of how this will probably look in one of his medical books and I found it to be very disturbing. This scoliosis may be causing some nerve damage to the lower body that will not be known until it is born. This baby's chance of survival is not very good at all.
We also talked to Shawna. I believe she is the head of the NICU and she told us all of the hurdles that this baby will have to overcome to even get to the point of having surgery. She said that she doesn't think this baby is capable of overcoming even the first one, which is taking a breath. This baby will likely live for a few minutes or a few hours. She said that if this baby does make it through this hurdle there is still the stabalization hurdle which will take a few days and will be extremely difficult and then surgery would happen. There are many hurdles after surgery such as infections.
I asked Shawna if there as ever been a case like this at HSC and she said that she could think of two ever. One baby survived and one did not. She said that it is impossible to give a a survival rating because each case and each baby is different. She kept telling us that she was very concerned about this baby and that things didn't look good.
Nathan and I have some decisions to make in the next few weeks that we need your prayers for. One is that we have been given the option to deliver at Boundary Trails Hospital where our baby will be put on comfort support when it is born until it passes away and the other option is to deliver at HSC and have the baby taken away immediately to try to save it. The benefit to having this baby at Boundary Trails would be that we would be able to be with it as it passes away whereas at HSC we may never get to see it alive. We really don't know what to decide about this. And another decision we will have to make is that if I deliver at HSC will it be at the Women's Hospital or at the Children's Hospital. The Women's Hospital is more ideal for myself in case there are any complications, but the Children's Hospital is more convenient for the baby because it will be close to where it will be staying to keep alive.
The combination of all of these problems has a name called Body Stalk Anomaly. It is not a genetic condition.
I will be having an MRI in the next few weeks in Winnipeg so that the doctors can have a better look at the size of everything on the baby. I'm not sure of the date yet, but I will update as soon as I find out anything else. I will also have another appointment in Winnipeg on October 5th and I will then meet with Dr. Wiseman who will be my pediatric surgeon. I have heard good things about him. I will also get a tour of the delivery area and the NICU then.
During my ultrasound we were able to see the baby trying to breath on its own which is a good thing because this is what babies are supposed to be doing at this stage. It also kicked the paddle a few times as the ultrasound was being done which made me smile. It is such a sweet little thing with a very hard life ahead of it, if there is one at all.

Pears?!!!!!

This isn't as much an update as just a sharing of my feelings at the moment.
I just canned 24 quarts of pears that I am hoping I will get to feed to my baby. I don't know how Nathan and I will eat all of them by ourselves so we need to share them with someone. I also have the baby room set up and am just waiting to have the bedding sewn so that the room is ready for a little one. I pray that this little one does not come early because it needs all the strength that it can get before going through all that it will have to. I have read everything that I can about omphaloceles and diaphramatic hernias on the Internet and have even met with a mother who has a beautiful little girl that has gone through and survived a diaphramatic hernia. So much that I have read about has shown hope, but I can not find any stories about babies that have both problems. This is discouraging because I want to read survival stories about babies just like my own.
Nathan and I have spent more time in prayer than we have ever done before. We go from begging God to heal our child to asking for acceptance to whatever His will is for our child. It is so difficult to not know the plans for one that is so loved.
This little one has been growing a lot lately, according to my doctor here in Winkler. When she measured me three weeks ago the baby seemed to be the size of one at 20 weeks (I was 26 weeks along). Last week she measured again and the baby seemed to be at 25 weeks. That is a huge blessing! The baby has begun moving around quite a bit. I feel it a lot in the mornings as I'm lying in bed and then again just before going to sleep at night. Those of you who are pregnant and are complaining about the moving don't understand how amazing that is. Enjoy every kick and punch because this is a sign of health!
There are a few things that I can tell you about the personality of our child. It is just as stubborn as it's Mommy and Daddy! Yes, those of you who know us know that this could lead to many struggles! Every time Nathan places his hand on my belly to feel a kick the baby stops moving and then kicks as soon as he takes his hand away. This baby is also giving the doctors a hard time when they want to see certain things during a ultrasound. I believe that this baby also doesn't like taco pizza because I had heartburn from it and that is the only time that I have ever had heartburn. Charissa, if you are reading this it's not because the pizza wasn't delicious! I hope to learn more as the days go by.
The following address is a song that I just received from a blog reader and would like to share it with the rest of you. Please listen to the words. They are amazing and express a lot of what I am feeling.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=J2CnUtVY35o

Thanks to all of you who are praying. I believe that God is listening and that He is using this baby's situation in many different ways for many different people. We love you all even if we don't know you by name!

-Crystal

Winnipeg Appointment

We had another appointment in Winnipeg this last Friday. First of all one of the techs began our ultrasound and showed us the cute little face of our baby. Looking at the pictures, I believe that it has Nathan's chubby cheeks! Eventually she got another tech to come in and continue the untrasound and finally Dr. Reid himself came in. They all seemed to be looking closely at the heart so I began to really worry that there would be more bad news. It turns out that our baby is just very shy of the camera and is not in a good position for them to see everything as well as they would like. There is still the omphalocele, where the intestines, lower stomach, and liver are in the ambilical cord. There is still the Diaphragmatic Hernia and the Scoliosis. Because of all the things that are not in the baby's body it is a smaller size then would be normal. Other than these things everything still seems okay. We have another appointment in four weeks and at this appointment we will be meeting with a pediatrics surgeon to discuss the procedures that will take place with our baby once it is born. I get excited for these appointments to see our baby but at the same time they are dreaded because of the situation! Thank you all so much for your support and prayers! We feel them everyday and are very grateful!!!